i was in college when the thought of being in up law or being with p&g crossed my mind. of course i didn’t know my future then, so the two were plan a and plan b in no particular order. i so wanted these two that subconsciously (or wishfully) i knew i will get them.
true enough, some years later, i got both. it’s like a dream come true multiplied by two. ironically though… when i got p&g, it didn’t really appeal so much anymore and when i got up law, i was in cloud 9 initially but sooner i somehow entertained giving it up. maybe it’s because i’ve changed so much through the years… or maybe… we can’t really have the best of both worlds all the time.
now though that i remember these memories of long ago… i think life now can be called ‘living the dream’, minus the fancy… and i realize i should count my blessings, consider myself lucky and make the best out of what i have. i know it’s easier said than done, but i guess i should at least try. i’m just gonna try, i’m gonna try, ‘coz it’s definitely worth a try.
now too, it happened yet again. i wanted you, so i knew i’ll have you. i really did have you and i now have you. it’s a beautiful day and i think i’m gonna spend the rest of my life with you. i know! i just do.
I woke up thinking about her.
It has just been three weeks since her death, but it already seems like forever.
I can still remember the wake; the long array of flowers of sympathies and the hundreds of people who visited each day, and, the funeral; the big church filled with probably more than a thousand and the seemingly never-ending line in the final viewing, and, the burial; a multitude still came with us and the heavens grieved with us through the rain.
Lola was well loved, is well loved; it was overwhelming. It did not take away the grief but it at least gave a different set of nice feelings. I was so grateful; I mentioned everyone’s presence before I gave my speech at the funeral.
Lolo, Tita Lingling, and a couple more people gave their eulogy as well. There are just so many good things to be said, but she’s still gone and she’s never coming back.
I will just remember memories with her while she was with us. I will remember the wake and the best part of it where family reconciliations happened. I will remember the funeral and the best part of it where Lolo shared his story of life and love with Lola. I will remember the burial and the best part of it where my cousins and I and Tita Liza were the last to go as we didn’t want to leave Lola alone.
Death is truly brutal, life is unkind, but I know her love for us is eternal. She will still be here, silently loving us. And one day, we will meet again and I will feel that love again.
I miss you Lola. See you someday.
perfect timing at last! i gained so much weight in the last 5months that i am no longer underweight. it’s already sembreak so i now get enough sleep every night.
thereafter, i took time to find out about blood donation and here’s what i got:
after gathering enough information, i called red cross and makati med to find out more. red cross’ sched for november is on the 2nd and 4th sunday (if i remember it right). i already have classes by then so i opted for makati med.
the medtech there, Bambi, was really friendly, pleasing and accommodating. so any fear that the needles might hurt or that i may get harmed was easily taken away.
so there you go, i was finally able to donate blood and being a voluntary donor gave me so much joy. i’m definitely encouraging everyone to do the same. it’s a really simple thing to do yet you already get the chance to save a life 🙂
***A few more notes to encourage everyone…
No, this is no DelToro-horror film, this is just to describe mothers. This is for Mama, Lola Liling and Lola Cording; loving, caring, selfless, strong, beautiful women.
I know they’ve been through, they’re going through and they will go through a lot… And I wish there’s something I could have done or could do to make life easier for them :’) Thank you Moms.
Words of Advice from My Classmate, on His Birthday (the few things I got, I hope I remembered them right :D) —
1. Good friends will be with you in your undertakings; put a premium on good friendship
- “Friends will be with you every step of the way, cherish that.”
- “Friends will help you do the right thing.”
- “Friends will be ready to die with you and for you.”
2. High moral standards can be easily challenged; always hold on to integrity
- “Working for the government is a difficult job – kung gagawa ng masama, lagot ka… kung gagawa ng mabuti, lagot ka rin… but you should choose integrity.”
- I think he also said “..To be extra careful that the evil in the system will not get the better of you.”
- I believe he is one of the few good men who chose to stick to their ideals and principles.
3. Love God through love for country; they go hand in hand
- “I’m not really a religious man, but I love listening to religious talks, I learn from them.”
- “You should show your love for God through patriotism.”
- I think he also said “Love for country means love for your countrymen as well.”
Maj. Ariel Nepomuceno ۰ Magna Cum Laude, UP Diliman ۰ Most Outstanding Social Science Graduate ۰ PMA Graduate ۰ Former Director, Department of National Defense ۰ Businessman ۰ Philanthropist ۰
From one of my favorite college professors:
‘Sleight of mind’By Solita Collas-Monsod
Heading them off at the pass. That’s what they used to say in the old cowboy-injun movies to describe a move by one group to prevent another group from arriving at their desired destination. And that is what describes, at least as far as I am concerned, the announcement made yesterday (Friday) by President Aquino, flanked by Senate President Frank Drilon and House Speaker Feliciano Belmonte. He/they are trying to head us off at the pass.
What are they trying to prevent, or more accurately, diffuse? The picnic-rallies set for Monday, of course. Isn’t it obvious? Duh. The ones to be held at the Luneta and at various other places all over the Philippines, the ones that everyone (including yours truly) and her brother are intending to attend, to show their great displeasure with the pork barrel and to demand, as the President’s “boss,” that it be abolished.
Am I being unduly suspicious or cynical? I don’t think so. Only consider that as recently as the last week or two, P-Noy was defending the pork barrel, declaring that the legislators were in the best position to know what was good for their districts. (But what about the senators?) As a matter of fact, in yesterday’s statement, P-Noy actually starts by affirming that “there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this policy,” and that enabling our representatives to identify projects for their communities that otherwise were not affordable was a “worthy goal.”
After the Commission on Audit (COA) report came out last Friday—which essentially showed that the extent of the pork barrel waste and cheating of the Filipino people was mind-boggling (75 percent of the audited “soft pork” releases were riddled with irregularities, which apparently made COA Chair Grace Tan cry and dwarfed the Napoles issue)—P-Noy made a move in the right direction: He ordered all PDAF releases to be suspended pending the results of the investigation. (Who was to do the investigation he didn’t say.)
But even as late as two days ago (Thursday morning), he was described in news reports as being “cool” to the idea of pork barrel abolition.
What happened between two days ago and yesterday that made him (seemingly) change his tune? My guess is that while his people were totally cognizant of the critical views of the so-called “opinion-makers” or “opinion-shapers,” they realized only on Thursday night that they had grossly underestimated the power and magic of the Internet.
It was through the Internet that people who were outraged that their tax money was being diverted to the private pockets of individuals who were sworn to serve them and who were obviously not only acting in collusion with each other, but doing it with in-your-face impunity, found out that they were not alone in their anger. And by Thursday evening, it became glaringly obvious that the idea of a picnic/rally/get-together of these like-minded individuals had spread like wildfire and was being met with enthusiasm. I know that everyone I asked who was ambulatory indicated her intention of going to the Quirino Grandstand on Monday. And it looks like the same phenomenon was taking place in areas outside Metro Manila—e.g., Cebu, Davao, Baguio.
The Aquino administration was faced with the classic (from the 1976 movie “Network”): “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more” collective reaction. Their countermove was to (pardon the metaphor mixing) try to head them off at the pass—in this case, to reduce the enthusiasm for, and therefore the attendance at, Monday’s rally.)
How? The President announced that “it is time to abolish the PDAF.”
Great? We don’t have to rally anymore? He is giving us what we want?
Not at all. There’s a sleight of mind going on here. Notice he didn’t say “abolish the pork barrel,” he said “abolish the PDAF”. The hope is that we will equate the two.
The PDAF will formally go. But the pork barrel stays. What will change is its presentation. No more lump sums for each legislator. Replacing it will be line items for projects—which is exactly the form that the pork barrel in the United States (which we copied but “improved”) takes. But you can be sure that these items will total P70 million times the number of Congress people plus P200 million times the number of senators.
The President tells us that this method, plus all the other reforms—he enumerates them—will no longer make the pork barrel “susceptible to abuse or corruption.”
Please. A lot of the reforms he enumerates are already in the books. They have been ignored, with impunity. What makes him think they will not be ignored in the future?
Moreover, as has been emphasized in the latest Philippine Human Development Report 2012/2013, even if the pork barrel were corruption-free (which is a very unlikely scenario), this “divide-by-N syndrome”—“the mechanical and feckless dissipation of government funds across localities instead of their rational allocation to where these might have the most impact”—will still result in inefficiencies and inequities. At the same time, the work of local development councils and their own investment priorities, are passed over.
In other words, in this supposedly new, reformed, but still pork barrel system the President proposes, he will still be able to wield great power over Congress (he can veto any line item he wants); the legislators still can choose the projects they want and use them for reelection purposes; and the people will still be left holding the bag.
Who is the President kidding?
See you at the rally on Monday.
…it’s the season of the year again – – – in the words of Dar; “the season when 12am is an early timeline para sa uwian, when you aren’t pretty without the eyebags (and i may add dark eye circles, fine lines, wrinkled forehead and straight face) and when sleep becomes a luxury.” it’s also the season when people become so grumpy, moody, impatient and emo (GOVERNMENT WARNING: bad for your health) – – – LAFS season!…
…and for LAFS season this year, we decided to record memorable (not exactly meaningful, but sabaw instead) conversations and take several (like, several! like, selfies!) photographs – – – and we shall call this ‘LAFS Trips’…
…so, without further ado, i present to you our ‘LAFS Trips’, “the funniest tragedy and saddest comedy”…
<<<under construction :P>>>
…and there you go – – – LAFS season is really mostly a stressful one – – – but if it also means bonding moments, sharing of experiences and creating memories with people, who are not just officemates but also great friends, i wouldn’t have it any other way (or not =P) 🙂 …
I’m excited, but also apprehensive. And I keep asking myself; Am I really ready for this? Or am I really cut out for this?
Well, I’m neither blonde nor gorgeous, but I can totally relate with Elle – I just feel like I don’t belong. And that’s for three reasons probably.
First, I’ve never really been a diligent student. I’m carefree as carefree can be. Dili ko mu-care og try, much more mag try hard. Dili ko mu-care og impress. Dili ko mu-care og excel.
When… Law School is about reading, studying, impressing and excelling.
While busy na kayo ako schoolmates talking about readings, codes, cases, digests, syllabi, recitation, yada yada… me O_O deadma.
Second, I’m shy and timid. Dili ko ganahan mu-socialize. Dili ko mamansin. I can barely recall names. I’m not a bibo student either. Mu-sit ko sa back always and mu-hope wala mu-bother sako.
When… I should have a good relationship with my classmates, as most of the time, we’ll only have each other. Moreover, if I make it, kami kami ra sad mag colleagues. And mas important, I need to improve my social skills and communication skills and gain confidence and all the ka-ek-ekan as early as now.
While chika chika na kayo ako mga classmates, while kusog na kayo sila mureach-out pa-ila-ila sa ila selves and mu-offer all sorts of help, gadiscuss discuss na sila issues, daghan na kaayo sila plans for the block: meetings, bondings, study sessions… me O_O deadma.
Finally, 4 Philippine Presidents, 12 Supreme Court Chief Justices, 75 Associate Justices, 8 Senate Presidents, 8 Speakers of the House of Representatives, 111 Senators, 248 Members of the House of Representatives, 52 members of the Batasang Pambansa. Not to say that I’m of the same wavelength just because I went to the same school, but to point out instead that I feel like I can never be the same as them. I’m just a simple girl with simple joys. I want to curl my hair and buy clothes or shoes, eat more chocolates, chicken and cheese, clean the house and do errands, run and swim, watch tv and movies or read books or listen to music, travel, chitchat and spend time with family and friends, daydream, laugh, love, live.
When… I chose this school, so I should at least envision myself na maging great.
While achievers kayo ako mga classmates and ga-aim high na, ga-ingun na even sa ila mga plans sa politics, business, society and all that jazz… me O_O gakadluk lang mu-fail, lost lang sa isang tabi.
And it’s funny how people would think I have the makings of a lawyer. Just because I have a stand sa mga butang, I fight for what I believe is right, I come to the defense of others, I’m also isug that no one can startle me and I have a strong personality. But if you ask me, it’s actually more than that and really I’m not sure if I have what it takes.
But the heck! Yes. The heck!!! Gi-sudlan ko ni, so no space para mu-chicken out, no way para mu-turn back, no room for doubts, no time for mediocrity, AND, it’s all about making the best out of it.
So help me God, Amen!
My baby brother is finally going to college. He will study Economics, just like me and my father before me. He also expressed that he will take up Law after college, like me, my elder brother and my father. We’ll hopefully be a bunch of Roa Lawyers soon. But I’m not gonna talk about this whole thing here. ‘Coz my brother going to college actually entails him leaving CDO and living in Cebu; and this is what I’m gonna talk about.
To begin, Cebu is my baby brother’s choice; he says he wants Cebu for a change (I say, he’s really all grownup and probably wants to start to be independent, I think). This makes me remember my college days.
Back then, being away from home was a good thing, especially that my mama was so strict when I was in high school. I was suddenly free; so free and so fun that I rarely missed home (I even made excuses not to go home). I tried a lot of things (na-uh, this does not include sex, drugs and what-have-yous), I went to a lot of places (as in a whole lot, God knows where I’ve been to) and I met a lot of people (of all ages, all walks and all statures).
I’m not a very expressive person and I don’t do storytelling a lot, so my parents had no idea about my life most if not all of the time. But nope, don’t view it in a bad context – ‘coz I discovered a lot about my self, I matured faster (I’d like to think), I became independent and I became street smart. My character was also really molded – if not really at that instance, atleast after all the learnings and reflections.
But, away from home was good only when I was younger. Now that I’ve aged, things have also changed. They often say your relationship with your family changes through the years – from wanting to alienate yourself to wanting to be really closed. And I say this is really true.
I now sometimes (or a lot of times) wish I can just be home. Home; where I can be with my family (parents and relatives) primarily. As well as where I can be with my high school friends, where I won’t miss a lot of events, and where I can live comfortably and conveniently.
All these thoughts of home sometimes make me dissatisfied with my job and with my life away from home. I wonder if a career is really worth it if it’s at the expense of things. I wonder how life can be so much better if I were home. And I wonder if I’ll soon give in and just go home.
To add to all these things, let me mention that my elder brother is residing in Cebu and will probably stay there at least for the next few years of law school. It’s the same story for me, except I’ll be in Manila instead of Cebu. My younger sister meanwhile is studying here in Manila and will probably stay here at least for the next two years of undergraduate studies. My bet is that after graduation, she will also find a job here. And now, my baby brother will soon join my elder brother in Cebu.
Net, my parents will be left alone with an empty nest; and I can only feel their melancholy. My mama even expressed the other day how she can already feel the ‘mingaw’. I haven’t been a parent, but I know they are used to having children to take care of. I haven’t had a child, but I know how children always bring joy. So, things will really be so much different for them. Plus, they are not getting any younger.
My parents getting old means we’ve grown old too; we all launched and moved out. On the bright side, we are not that far away; we can always visit every now and then. Moreover, I think we all want to settle in CDO someday (unless life brings unexpected things), so we will be far from our parents only for the next few years.
So, yeah, my baby brother is finally going to college. He will study Economics, just like me and my father before me. He also expressed that he will take up Law after college, like me, my elder brother and my father. We’ll hopefully be a bunch of Roa Lawyers soon. And yes, I’m gonna talk about this; ‘coz this is probably the motivation not to be home for now. But then again, if you come to think of it, we can be lawyers while still being at home. Now pondering…
Where do I begin?
Ok… so you chose your career over your happiness. It wasn’t really the idea at first, as you never thought that there’d be a trade-off – had you known, you could have chosen happiness. But it did happen anyway, they did not go together, you couldn’t figure out why and it made you really depressed.
So you console yourself; you tell yourself that when all else is gone, at least your professional advancement stays. Then you start achieving, acquiring new skills, gaining new knowledge, learning new stuff, discovering new things and it becomes somehow fulfilling. But it’s not always sun-shiny; you get failures, frustrations and disappointments, so depression gets the better of you again.
Then, you turn to people; either you get in touch with old friends – do the usual stuff or try something new, find comfort, care and love, share memories and experiences, or; you expand your network – meet new folks, get to know some better, make friendships. They give you fun, laughter and surprises and show you a whole new you. At the end of the day though, each person has his or her own life, so you can be left alone still, sad again.
But… One day, you get that one thing or meet that one person and suddenly everything makes sense. You now know the reason for things in the past, you are now grateful for the turn of events, you forget your regrets and you no longer think that nothing compares to your old happiness. ‘Coz suddenly, in front of you, within your reach, in plain sight; is something or someone so much better than the last, something or someone that completes you.
And me? Well, I just found out, I’m now one step closer to my something – God willing, I may really have it. And as a plus, can I possibly already have that someone too? Let’s find out…
1 year old today!
It’s not really such a big deal, but it’s just surprising – considering that; 1month in, I instantly doubted if joining the company was a good decision; 2-3months in, I felt like I will never fit in; 6months, I already drafted my resignation letter and handed it to my manager; 9months, I thought of leaving again and when I decided to stay a bit, I then had a really huge failure; 10-11 months, I had all sorts of uncertainties and fears following the announcement and start of my new and additional assignment. But yes, here I am still, still intact after one whole year. Time does fly so fast, and the last 12months was the fastest, I should say.
And what happened within those 12months?
Well, on the off side, I felt like I grew so so so old and stressed 😛 – – – I can’t stand staying up so late anymore, when I used to be a night person. I don’t like doing gimmicks as the idea itself already makes me exhausted and when I do go out, I easily get knocked out. I can’t endure swimming laps anymore nor running kilometres. Shopping for even only an hour or less makes me dizzy, so does the sight of crowds. I now sometimes have dandruff (oops, teehee) which I never experienced before. My back aches a lot, and most of all, I look in the mirror and see the years I’ve grown. These may not be attributable to my job but they did happen in the past year, coincidence or no coincidence (yikes! :D).
On the other hand, there were also good things – – – I learned a lot. I did not study accounting 4 or 5 years in college, but I learned a great deal of it within the year (though there’s so much more I don’t know yet). I learned not only accounting but life’s lessons as well, from my experiences and from the people I met. And some of these people were also part of the plus side, the friendships I made and the memories we shared.
And where am I now?
Still stressed about work – – – long list of tasks, concepts I cannot fully comprehend, subjects unknown to me, frustrations over some people, systems and processes, things yet to come; merely thinking about them makes me wanna give up.
But, work has become one source of my joy too – – – a productive day, each task crashed out from my to-do list, issues resolved, concerns and queries addressed, a new learning and new discovery; these small things can make me smile.
But then again, work is still not something I really love – – – I still have to drag myself to the office, I still sometimes feel lazy to do my tasks, I still don’t want to voice-out things, I still don’t want to think of improvements nor take on projects and assignments, I still don’t care; though, it sure is a whole lot better than before.
And so, yey to the year that was – 1st year anniversary today… and is it also the last? 😉 😀 😉
(january 26, after visiting anawim, home for the aged)
your parents and grandparents may already be weak and senile now and may seem like a burden… but at some point in the past, they toiled for you too, put up with your nonsense and childish and crazy ideas, accepted you despite your quirks, endured everything just for you and they never abandoned you… yet, you forget so easily… and i thought only old people get the alzheimer’s. ironic…
as for me, i just love my lolo and lola… i wish there’s something more i can do for them though… while i still have the chance…
But everything, everything’s just a facade, only superficial. ‘Coz deep inside, deep inside, I’m really crumbling, breaking down, falling to pieces and nearing my death.
I couldn’t even figure out what’s wrong anymore. I’m not sure on what’s hitting me hard. I don’t know where I’m coming from, what I want and where I’m heading to.
It seems like I’m living someone else’s life. Perhaps my other self’s life.
They tell me to be patient. But I’m not sure, I’m not sure if I could bear it any longer. 😦
Everything seems perfect, but, it’s only a facade. In the midst of this ideal world is an old soul trapped inside a seemingly young body.All you have left is to wish this isn’t the case.
Wish this soul can travel to the body of 7 years ago, when this soul is the best soul to be in that body. Or perhaps, the body from 7 years ago travels to today, when that body fits the events and this soul makes the best out of those.
In the end though, not all wishes come true. As fantasy is confronted by reality, you’ll find out that some things just aren’t meant to be. Destiny and luck always play tricks on people.
Then, as you wake up, you’ll realize that this is just a detour, an interesting link to the real life that awaits you. All you have to do is to get by this. This is not part of your life and it’ll all be over soon.
I stared blankly at the television as the credits rolled down. It was a story of family, a story of friendship, a story of love, a story of death, a story of treachery and corruption, among many others. But more so, it was a story of a father.
For a minute my mind wandered, for a minute I was numb, no feelings, no thoughts… A minute; ‘twas only a minute. For the next thing I knew, a tear started rolling down my cheek.
I know I was daddy’s little girl. For that, I’m certain. I know I felt loved in his arms when I was young. So I looked back and gathered pictures of my past on my head.
I was 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, I had a lot of memories. I was 10, 12, there were random few. I was 15, one. I was 9, 11, 13, 14, none. I was 16 and I started hating him. I went to college and didn’t want to speak with him.
I see him every now and then. He does things for me every now and then. But I’m no daddy’s little girl anymore. He came back, but things have never been the same again.
Today, I sent him a text message; ‘happy father’s day’. Today, I also pondered; when was the last time I had a father? When was the last time I felt I have a father? Perhaps, this is my fault. Perhaps, it’s time to reconnect with him while I still can. Yes, perhaps! But, I’m not ready just yet. For now, I’d rather not. In time. Perhaps, I will… in time.
One day, isang araw, I arrived home and found a cat in my front yard. He looked like he was about to, ahem, poop. Experience tells me that cats get startled when people suddenly appear near them; but not this cat, nah-uh. His eyes just grew wider as he fixed them on me. I guess it’s because he was about to do some important business.
I wanted to get a snapshot of him, so I hurried inside my room to get my camera. When I got back, unfortunately, he was already covering up the hole he dug for his poop; that when I went near him, he quickly ran away.
Now every story should have a lesson, right? In this story, there were three. 1 – For cats, never mind everyone when I’m pooping. 2 – Remember to never forget the digital zoom feature of your camera. 3 – Even cats cover their mess up, how ‘bout you? 😛
So you think that’s the end of it? But, waaaaait, there’s more!
After a few minutes, I stared out my window and saw two birds this time. And where exactly did I see them? Of course where else could it be… on the cat hole, pecking 😀
Lesson? To miss two animal snapshot moments is just: darn.
if you want a degree, you need to graduate from school…
if you want an education, you need COACH KIKO…
I may not have done well in school – have always refused to be diligent – but i’ve still learned a lot in college…
I’ve learned a lot of great lessons from this man… I will take them with me for the rest of my life…
it breaks my heart to see you leave coach… but at the same time i’m so happy for you and your family… you deserve every good thing in life… good luck in Canada…
to my dad, my brother, my saviour, my defender, my angel, my hero, my guardian, my coach, my idol, my advisor, my constant companion, my confidant, my counsellor, my outdoor buddy, my friend – SEE YOU SOON!
p.s.: coach remember pinagusapan natin tong movie na to. tagal bago ko natandaan title. hehe. coach, gagraduate na ako for you, WITH HONORS. haha.
Sun… climb… meeting… batch… leave… wait… motorcycle… invite… shop… cherries… torn… arrive… water… meet… sick… trip… sleep… food… talk… swim… friend… surf… hot… sexy… face… cool… cook… laugh… starting… like… seats… smile… fun… hair… stare… cool… good… CATCH… son.. oh com’on!!!… hahaay SUMMER!
Christmas day this year was a day of reminiscing the old days… oh actually reviving the old days fits it more.
Well my visit to Cebu actually started it all. Of course I got to see my relatives and cousins… haven’t seen them for a long time now… real time!
12mn… noche buena… i and my cousins already took part in the preparation, so the grown-ups talked about how we’ve grown… and we talked about “when we were younger, this and that and this etc..” santa claus was one of the characters of the conversation.
2am… we were all ready to sleep when suddenly… tedetdetdedetdet… “What was that!!!!” yes it was super mario, no kidding!… our favorite back then (when family computers were still the “in” thing)… we missed it so much that we found ourselves drawn to the TV set… we, all college students now, played the game til wee hours in the morning… the kids were not given a chance to play…
8am… still sleepy but managed to be out of bed… Mario did it again…
well! what else? oh yes. “The Never Ending Story”. i’ve yearned for so long to see this movie again… finally it happened (though ive only seen half)… ive seen it thrice or four times when i was younger, but the only thing i can remember, aside from it being a story of a boy who have gone to some other place outside earth, is the Big Dog which I can very well picture in my mind… well, while watching the movie, i can see “me”, smaller and thinner and naive, very amazed with everything. whew! a childhood favorite… which may become an all-time…
finally, the night ended with a christmas party with first and second degree relatives… chitchats, conversations and a bunch of activities came about… and that brought even more memories from the past…
“It’s ok to talk about a friend behind her back.” she said. i was shocked by this revelation.
“i’m sure she won’t do it. i trust she won’t.” i thought to myself. despite the fact that i’ve witnessed her doing it two years ago.. to someone even more special than me.
oh no! what for?! i really don’t understand. and worst, she’s not even sure if everything is true. it’s her own assessment, own judgement, the things she wanted to believe in.
why her? of all people. she was supposed to be my best bud in the group. my heart was crushed. i never did that, never wanted to, even if i have a lot to say about her.
she did it and everything followed.. diffidence (more).. enjoyment (less).. teasing (more).. real friends (less).. hearthaches (more).. good times (less)..
i give up. i feel like i just want to disappear.
i surrender. this has been ‘ my life’ but it has been my heartache too.
i’m tired. have to finish things though.
so that i may return after some time. when everybody else is gone.
then that’s it. goodbye to something i truly hold dear.
ive been thinking about this. the thought actually came in earlier. she added a lot.
finally i’ve decided.
i quit. hard but true. sad. its a reality.
uhmm! it sucks! but i just have to live with it.
i was thinking of a poem earlier… and i have actually written it down… but a single undo made it disappear… and another action made it vanish for good… a moment of thinking followed… then more thinking transpired… but nah! cant remember even a single stanza among the four… yah! just four… duh!… anyway, im not really good at poems… so ill just drop it…
moving on… nothing special nowadays… some thoughts just re-popped…
i just wonder warum added me up er… einzige mich… und ich musse nicht vergessen die bilden and all… war es schon besonder?… hm, ich kenne nicht wirklich… aber if ever it came, it sure ain’t coming back… was i the one who made it pass?… or was it just really not meant to last?… whatever!… don’t have to pay high regards to it…
whats gone is gone, whats not is not, accept whats in, behold whats coming…
that’s it! breaktime’s over. i have to get back to work now… have to get some things done, and fast.. hahaay! *yawn*
a long, long time ago, i can still remember…….
…….after __ years of existence, i’ve finally learned that studying can be so much fun if i make it so. That’s why i now devote enough time to it…….
Yeah right! Scheisse! when will i ever learn?!? Wraar!!!
I only wanted things to be in place… talk about obsessive compulsiveness… But things got worst as I tried to fix them… Oh no! fate finally made its revenge… the monster came for me… waaaah!!!!… nada!!! things just had to happen… thats just the way it is… and now, time to wake up, time to regain my senses… Alas! the nightmare is over… yet things can’t be undone. I’ve already fallen face down, down my bed… But then again, I can always find my way up… Oh yeah!!! Krueger’s gone
(this script is a diff story from the one above, published here jz to mark the date of smthng interesting. to recall that something, the ff may also help: envtl Lec1A, frndstr&YM the ff day, batch party during the wknd, then the manalmon wknd, then the photo taking on the week after. NOW I KNOW, thanks to gmail.)